Should I Reconcile with an Unfaithful Spouse?


QUESTION: Should I reconcile with my unfaithful spouse after they have broken up with the other person?

MY ANSWER: It depends on where their heart is. God is in the business of reconciliation and He does hate divorce (see Malachi 2:16). That being said God can only change a heart that is truly repentant. Repentance means change. Personally, I would ask for time if put in this scenario, time to pray and time to watch.

To this day I would NEVER reconcile UNLESS I saw the fruit of the spirit. True repentance can be seen, not heard. It takes action, not words. Changing where you go, what you wear, etc is purely cosmetic change. You need to see more than just that they are coming to church a few times, or texting you scripture about God every once in a while. In an instance such as this you need to see deep-rooted heart change. You need to see their consistency, steadfastness and faith. You need to see the fruit of their spirit: love, joy, peace, hope. You need to see the necessary step towards transformation as well as their taking responsibility for what has occurred.

Otherwise if you decide to reconcile without repentance you are simply setting yourself up for failure. You are easily becoming a plan B, perhaps filling the loneliness void of your ex. Their attempts to get back together and reconcile can be manipulation at its prime when they say what you want to hear without a true genuine heart behind it. If the intent is not genuine repentance, it is a huge red flag.

If you are not sure if they are truly repentant ask for time, line yourself with a spiritual  and mature mentor and pray to God for some discernment and wisdom on the situation.

In my case, the time I had asked my ex for revealed a heart problem in my ex, instability, insincerity, a lack of ownership for the problems, and a lack of faith as he fell back to the other woman as soon as the span of a week.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting change. If there is no true repentance (change), you will just be setting yourself up to repeat another cycle of failure.

Watch their heart. And trust God to guide you.



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