Healing Tips: How to Detox
For those going through cheating, affairs, and/or breaking away from really toxic relationships here are some practical tips for how to detox from a toxic relationship.
Clearing the Phone: For those trying to let go of an unhealthy relationship I HIGHLY recommend deleting your entire text history. Holding on to it is unhealthy, because it will just serve as a temptation to rehash the past and relive the hurt and regret.The idea is that by deleting the text history this will make it so that 1) you cannot see the texts or relive the past anymore and 2) it will make it more difficult for you to reply, because now you need to deliberately start a new text message.
Don’t Send Texts In the Moment: If you find yourself in that weak moment and you type up that text that you are 100% convinced in the moment needs to be sent I HIGHLY encourage giving yourself at least 24 hours before sending. If you wrote that text up at 11pm at night give yourself until the next day to reply. Put it away for now, save it in your notes or somewhere and see how you feel about it the next day. Give yourself some time to think and sleep on it. Often times those texts come out of a place of desperation or bitterness and more often than not you will regret sending that text in that moment of weakness. Allow your mind to sober up from its emotional drunkenness first.
Block their number: If you have kids with your ex, this tip may not be possible or practical. That being said if you have the option it would be ideal to block your ex’s phone number. Doing this will completely dissolve issues like the 24 hour text message reflections above. Removing the temptation altogether is the ultimate goal. Making it as difficult as possible to delve into the past prevents the past from interrupting your progress and prevents the ability to go back there.
Change your number: In line with the previous sentiments for some of you, changing your number may be the most advantageous decision, especially if you have an ex that will not stop contacting you or calling you. Another benefit of this option is it literally allows you to have a fresh start.
Writing journals: During those moments of hurt and weakness when you want to write a novel to your ex, do it! But in a journal or the notes section of your phone. Sometimes writing the journal to yourself or addressed to the ex can be a cathartic process. Often times you will surprise yourself with the tone the journal went and it can be very reflective to look back on and see your growth and healing over time.
Distract yourself: During those raw moments of hurt and pain, it can be advantageous to distract yourself. The idea is to redirect your focus off the past and onto something else. I often recommend finding something you enjoy that is positive: a nice walk outdoors perhaps if it is daytime, or a funny tv show, join a club, join a work out group. Ideally something light and that can make you laugh, that can give you purpose, new memories, and sense of fulfillment and not something that would trigger hurt feelings or bitterness. Late night Netflix of tv shows can be a Godsend. Instead of going to sleep in sadness, find a light-hearted tv show that you can spend many nights watching and laughing yourself to sleep instead. Give yourself something to look forward to.
Call someone you trust (not the ex!): – Another proposed detox tip is to find someone you can depend on who you can call or text when the going is getting rough, ideally someone you can talk to through the feelings instead of your ex. Ideally this needs to be a reliable person, preferably someone spiritually mature who can offer safe and wise counsel on the matter, someone who has your best interests at heart who will not trigger past memories or feelings of bitterness, who can listen and has sound advice and will not take your problems and gossip them to someone else. Calling someone else who has your best interest in mind, who can listen to you and offer comfort, can 1) talk you out of the situation and 2) can be much better than calling that ex.
Think about the bigger picture: At some point you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Think on the WHYs of the moment. WHY do you feel so desperate to contact them? WHY do you need them to make you happy? WHY can’t you be happy with yourself? Try to remember your past before this toxic relationship. To a time before you were dating anyone when you were happy with yourself. You need to ask yourself – What about the me before I was dating? How was I able to be happy and single, or at least single and not desperate then? You need to ask yourself these questions and get to the root of them to learn yourself. You need to look back to HOW you had done it before, and where you had lost it. Find what truly makes you happy. Learn that you do not need someone to make you happy. During this time you can learn yourself and learn to love yourself.
Lean on Jesus! : And finally, lean on Jesus! He’s there for you with open arms, and He loves you. If you cast all your worries and hurts on Him He will shelter you. He will give and show you love like you have never known before. His love is amazing, His love is perfect and pure. A relationship with Jesus is the best relationship you could ever have. He’s all the love you need!